oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
