Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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