is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
