I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
