Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
