I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
