yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
