"it" just moved
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
