I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
