I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
