Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
