guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
