Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
