I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
