Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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