She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
