The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
