We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
