I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
