Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also, beer. Big fan.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize