Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
