M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
