Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize