This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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