You're so nebulous sometimes
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize