My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
