Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
