At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
