Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
