Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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