i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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