Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Fuck appropriateness.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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