Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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