Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
