I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
