Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
