i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
