If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
