i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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