I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
