He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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