S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
