just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
