Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
