the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
