Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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