i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
And then he peed in my hair
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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