it hurts more in the daytime
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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