Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize