did you get engaged???
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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