hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
