Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
