Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
