I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
