just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
