I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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