went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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