Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
