How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
