I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
