He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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