dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
