I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
