Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When are your genitals available?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
