Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
