Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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