I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
