Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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