I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
