This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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