Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
