And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
