Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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