maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
