So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
