you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
