I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
