When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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