ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
