A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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