i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
