i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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