I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize