As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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