i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
