its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
