I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
