He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
