I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
