This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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