I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
