If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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