i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
