it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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