In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
