hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
