keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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