For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
